"Mindless Positivism"

There's a new disease in America. And it's spreading like wildfire. Insidious and unnamed,

it's a disease of delusion, devoid of reality or feeling. I call it "Mindless Positivism".

Talk to a Wall St. banker, a corporate sales manager, a celebrity, a tea-party Republican

or even your smug, comfortable next-door neighbor, and you'll catch it.

Got no job? Got no money? Over 60? Can't pay the mortgage? Another kid on the way?

In deep debt? Crippled with cancer? No med insurance? No problem!

Just think positive!

Just think positive. I hear it and read it every day. From friends, acquaintances,

former co-workers, strangers just met, media assholes, politicians, religious nuts,

rich people and celebrities.

It's the thing to say when you've got nothing else to say. Occasionally, I even say it

myself, like some mindless mantra that's magically going to transform my life

from misery to bliss. I'm in control, I'm the power of the Universe, God loves me,

I can do anything, if I just think positive.

Bullshit!

The greatest motivator known to mankind is fear. And fear is negative.

So I say, "Think negative."

Afraid of losing your job or finding a new one? Afraid you may lose your savings?

Afraid your wife or girlfriend is leaving? Afraid of ever finding new love?

Just tap into "The Power of Negative Thinking" and I guarantee you'll get up

off your ass and do everything you can to make the good stuff happen.

Or, if you're like "The Dude", you'll stay on your ass, suck a little weed, and let

what happens happen. (Not recommended for the fiscally or mentally challenged).

Negative thinking (fear) promotes positive action. If a hungry wolf sees you as dinner,

you're not gonna stick around to pet it, you're gonna bolt. Even if you're Dude-like,

characterized by benign inaction, your inaction is still action, in the same sense that

a "no comment" is still a comment.

Positive thinking is mindless because it's all about faith. And faith is all about fate, belief

and surrender to some higher power, even when, as hucksters like Anthony Robbins

would have you believe, that "higher power" is yourself.

So this new year, this new decade, figure out what you need to do to survive and thrive,

and, to quote the greatest ad slogan in history, just do it!

If you're not stupid, retarded, illiterate, a Christian fundamentalist, a "life counselor",

a corporate CEO, a sales manager, Paris Hilton, Donald Trump or comatose, keep on

truckin'.

If you're any of the above, think positive.